“There’s something beautiful and clarifying and terrifying all at once in being at the beginning . . . To be a beginner is to be full of hope-filled humility, to be overflowing with eager expectation that is simultaneously held in check by the obvious gap between your aspirations and current abilities. To be a beginner is to be pregnant with dreams but nascent with skill, and then to set about the work of cultivating the life of both.” – Michael Yankoski, The Sacred Year
I haven’t read this book. But I came across the quote on Emily Freeman’s blog. And it resonated, because I am a beginner. New (again) town, new (again) job, somewhat new(lywed).
I am also a perfectionist. Not in the sense that my house is always clean or my closet is organized by color, but in the way that if I’m going to do something, I do not want to fail, or even feel like I am. Slowly, I’ve learned that not being perfect does not equal failure.
Thankfully, God has surrounded Adam and me with incredible community during all of life’s transitions the last two years. Girlfriends to call, mentors to seek out, counselors close-by. And it’s been incredibly helpful. They’ve talked me through moments of self-doubt, of not trusting God with His plans for our future. They’ve told me that I really do have what it takes and that we are where he wants us.
Change is not safe or comfortable. It’s actually an issue of trust, which is probably why I don’t just love it. I love knowing the outcome, seeing the plan. I read the spoilers. In fact, I read the Wikipedia page for Jurassic World before I saw the movie. That’s just me.
Here’s what I’ve learned: God is not a God of stagnant perfection. He’s a God of new beginnings. A God who begs to see us simply trust Him. So here we are, learning that He is all it takes to succeed in this life. Not our will, but His. Not our works, but our faith in Him. Teach us, Jesus, to put one foot daily in front of the other as we pursue you above all else.
And when life doesn’t feel perfect, remind us that your grace abounds all the more.